Saturday, January 7, 2012


Three days ago, I started having trouble sleeping. Two days ago, I tried again. (Same results.) Yesterday it became official: insomnia. My brain just won't accept that bedtime means quitting time. My husband Logan asks what's on my mind. Well... everything. Doing a good job at work, at raising my son, at being a wife, at being a friend. Most of all, though, I've become obsessed with one thing lately: me. 

I know how that must sound, so please, let me explain.

Logan and his Man Fort.
At age 13, Logan saw his first solar panel and decided that he wanted to work in the energy field. So he did, and does, but a professional career wasn't enough. He also teaches about energy in an awesome class at UVM. On the side? Whatever Logan dreams up, he creates. Building, sewing, cooking, welding, you name it. He can do pretty much everything.

Out of college, my brother Pat got a job at a graphic design and sign shop. He thought it was pretty cool, so he quit his job and opened his own business. That was over 10 years ago, and he's still going strong. Oh, and he builds cars, too. Seemingly from scratch.

My friend Nicci has been published countless times as an expert in nutrition, parenting, and more. After hours (from what I understand, waaaaaay after hours) she writes an incredibly smart and terribly funny blog that I await every day like a crazed fan. I'm never disappointed.

I could go on and on. The point is, I'm surrounded by people that have found their passions, continue to find new ones, and pursue them every day. Me? I'm still trying to figure mine out.

I recently asked my brother-in-law Nic (who has not only written for but has also been featured in the New York Times, for crying out loud), "When will I figure out what I can contribute to the world?" He responded, "I'm pretty sure one Hudson Brown counts as a major contribution to the world." He's right, of course, but it's only a matter of time before I can no longer claim responsibility for Hudson's awesomeness. That will be all his. And I'll be back at square one.

Don't get me wrong, I've done a lot that I'm very proud of. My first job out of college was at Rolling Stone and my career has been pretty much uphill from there. Sure, I've written and designed, but I'm not a writer and I'm certainly not a designer. I've managed and produced some pretty cool events, but no one's really ever going to remember any of them—except maybe one, though it definitely won't be me they're remembering. I can crochet, but so can everyone else (and besides, I haven't picked up a hook in over a year). I have four beautiful letterpresses, but they're all in storage collecting dust. I feel like I am, too. 

I want to do something fun. Something amazing. 

Today, I'll probably lie awake in bed all night again trying to figure out what that something is.

In the meantime, tell me: What's your passion? (I may just have to steal it.)

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